Salvador says: How to know if your lover is a cheater

I think almost everybody could agree with me on this one: The only thing worse than finding out that your spouse is a cheater is not knowing. Not knowing if your partner is faithful can eat away at you and cause pain that can last months or even years. Betrayal is the worst form of disrespect and can leave wounds that won’t heal for a long time, if ever. Before we dive into sneaky ways that you can catch your partner red handed, lets first discuss why people cheat. I have often thought to myself, Why is it that animals are able to stay faithful to each other for a lifetime, while many humans can not seem to handle this task for more than a matter of months? The fact is that humans are the only creatures that realize they have a choice to how many partners they chose to have at a single moment in time. In addition, in recent studies, scientists have found that males with higher than average testosterone levels may be at greater risk of being involved in extramarital affairs than males with low testosterone levels. However, unlike animals, we have the ability to make decisions. We are able to override these hormones at any given time. Still, many chose not to. Testosterone or no testosterone, I still think cheating ultimately has to do with unhappiness. And, due to our ability to make decisions, those who chose to cheat go to great lengths to hide their affair. This is because they know what they are doing is wrong. This is why people who are cheaters are often hard to catch. So on that note, here are some potential signs that your partner may be cheating: 

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1. Change in Usual Work Pattern:  Extended hours or possibly even over night shifts. This is the most popular excuse used by a cheating partner.

2. Phone Turned Off/Not Returning Calls: If you try to contact your partner during times that you are suspicious of them being unfaithful and they do not answer the phone or answer it but quickly find a reason to hang up with you, there’s a good chance that they are not being faithful.

3. Change in General Attitude: If your husband/wife suddenly makes it apparent that they are bored around you, or maybe seem overly excited on particular days, this could be a sign that they are having a relationship with somebody else. Sometimes a cheating mate may even become very angry or not want to handle simple arguments.

4. Lack of Money: Generally speaking, a deceptive partner will be spending time, as well as money, on their new date. The amount spent may greatly affect their usual income, depending on how much they are looking to impress their new partner.

5. Change in Attire: The sudden urge to dress attractively or get a new hairstyle, shave often, etc may be due to the fact that your partner is looking to appear more attractive to another individual.

6. Change in Relationship: If your partner suddenly stops confiding in you or seeking your advice this may be due to them finding it elsewhere.

7. New Hobbies: A cheating spouse may take interest in new things that don’t add up - such as new music, a new sport, etc.

8. Secretive Conversations:  Does your partner run out of the room when he/she answers the phone to handle business? Or do they speak in a very low tone?

9. Deleted E-mails / Odd Computer Habits: If your husband/wife is startled by your presence when they are online or if they are constantly cleaning out their mailbox, there could be a reason for it. It is not normal behavior for a spouse to quickly exit off of a screen when someone enters the room unless they are planning a surprise vacation or doing something they know is wrong.

                                                            http://allwomenstalk.com

With that being said, here are some ways to catch a cheating partner :

1. Show up at your Spouses Work - Pick one of those days when they are working late and surprise them with a hot meal or desert. Make sure you have a reason for going up to their job so you don’t look too suspicious.

2. Check Mileage on their Car - This is a surefire way to see if your partner has been where they claim to have been. However, take into account if they needed to go to the bank or any other locations. A few extra miles here or there do not constitute as being disloyal.

3. Record Keep - Record dates and times of suspicious phone calls. If your mate is cheating you should be able to draw a conclusion that relates these times to other incidents. For example, if someone calls and hangs up on Wednesday evenings, followed by your partner getting called into work, this could be a tip for you to log.

4. Keep Quiet - Don’t open your mouth until you have the evidence you need for conviction. Telling your partner you think they may be seeing someone else will only complicate the patter because you have opened their eyes to the fact that they are not as sneaky as they would like to be.

5. Check Receipts - If you are able, check receipts found in pockets, the car, drawers, etc. If your partner is going out they are bound to eventually slip up and leave valuable evidence somewhere. Bank records of money withdrawals or credit card bills are also good ones. If looking at a credit card bill, pay close attention to detail, like where they are purchasing gasoline. Is it near your home? Or is it in a city that doesn’t fit into their usual travels?

6. Spy - If you are able to do your own surveillance or have a friend help you, do it. Watch what your partner is doing when they say they are working, etc.

Source: bestlovetips.com

riza saYs: Family Bonding – The Little Things in Life That Make All the Difference

.. Love and relationship is not all about having a relationship to other opposite sex… but also having a good relationship to your family.:)

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Self-esteem is a person's main belief about themselves. A person's self-esteem is based on their actions, both as how as well as what he or she does. Although self-esteem varies from time to time, the pattern usually leans toward a healthy or unhealthy view of self. With healthy self-esteem, a person is more likely to succeed in life.

The Best feeling in the world is being able to go to a place where you can call home.  A place where you feel like you belong, a place where no one can hurt you, a place where you can learn something new each day from the ones who love you the most. 

By making the effort to communicate with the members of our family, we know that we are loved and respected and that we belong.   Each person in your family needs to:

·        Show your love to each family member. Let the members in you family know you love them for who he or she is, not for what he or she does. Make it a habit to show your love for your family members in at least two ways each day.

 

• Make a contentious effort to let the members of your family know that he or she is special. List at least three good qualities of each family member and post them on your refrigerator. Add to these qualities from time to time. And it doesn’t hurt to tell each other how wonderful they are.

 

• Praise each other. Make positive comments about each other.  It may not hurt to tell dad that you missed him or how good mom’s cooking is.  Notice the positive qualities in each other and try to not focus on the negative qualities.

 

·        Listen to the members in your family just don’t let it go in one ear and come out the other.  When someone in your family shares something with you, give that person your undivided attention and listen carefully. Don't give advice unless asked for it.

 

• Have family times. Have regular times for the family to have fun together, such as playing board or card games. Try to have as many family meals together as possible. Don't discuss problems or concerns during these times unless it is absolutely necessary.

 

• Encourage family bonding time. Look for activities with the whole family can bond together and spend special moments together where everyone can feel close, a feeling of acceptance, and unconditional love from the people who mean the most in their lives.

Remember, without love there is no healing. With Love, healing is foreseeable.   Having a family can be a fulfilling and an exciting experience. Our family life is an important part of our life.  How we treat each other and the respect we give each other will affect our relationship with that person and could affect how that person feels about themselves.

Families grow and change over time, so it’s important that we have the skills to be remaining close to each other able to keep our family relationships happy and healthy.

 source:authorsden.com

riza saYs: TAKING YOUR LOVER BACK ( BOYFRIEND ) - SHOULD YOU ?

The Happy Times Vs the Sad Times

If you have to put thought into whether the happy times surpassed the sad times, the answer should be clear: Don't give him a second chance because he didn't make you happy. Giving him another chance will only cause you to revisit the past and encounter the same problems over again. If you had major problems then chances are they aren't likely to dissolve into thin air.
All relationships have their ups and downs but emotional turmoil should not be an everyday occurrence. If he doesn't understand why you get upset at him all the time, then it might be the right time to find someone who can communicate on the same level as you and understand why you react the way you do.
However, if you've worked through problems successfully before and feel as though your relationship encompasses something special which is worth working out, give it another shot.

The Opinions of Friends

Did your family and friends approve of your ex-boyfriend who is trying to make his way back into your life?
Your friends and family are the ones who know you best and support the fact that you should be treated in a way that keeps you happy. They are your personal support system and are always at your side when you need a shoulder to cry on, and they provide you with advice when you are confused or distraught.
If your friends and family don't approve of your ex-boyfriend who is trying to weasel himself back into your life then it might be a sign. How can you allow a man who isn't respected by the closest people in your life to claim such an important status in your life? Does he really deserve it, or did he manipulate you in order to obtain such a place in your heart?
Clearly, figuring out whether or not he deserves a spot in your social circle should be thought through before you let him back into your life.

The Reasons Behind the Break Up
Take some time to reflect on a moment in the past when he broke your heart. Do you remember yourself crying on a friend's shoulder or drinking the night away with friends in order to forget about the way he hurt you or made you cry? Are you prepared to repeat such a process if his scheming ways strike again?
Heartbreak can be encountered in any relationship. However, giving a guy another chance once he has already broken your heart can be an extremely regrettable judgment call. An important question to ask yourself is why you would want to be with him if he doesn't want to be with you. Unless you are able to communicate what went wrong previously and how you can make things better, conflict will be an inevitable and unavoidable matter.
Look at all Sides
Examining all these factors is important before determining whether or not he deserves a second chance. The answer might be quite clear even though you refuse to admit it to yourself. You might find yourself searching for reasons to let him crawl back into your life, but make sure you remember how you were treated previously and ask yourself if it is what you really want in a relationship.
Figuring out whether or not there is a spot for him in your future is ultimately your own personal decision.
Happiness matters most
Sometimes women fall back into relationships because they are used to a certain routine of being with a man, or simply don't want to feel lonely. But revisiting a painful past while realizing you could be exploring new options will just cause an elevated level of emotional anxiety.
Feeling happy with yourself is the most important and if getting back together with your ex-boyfriend will prohibit this from happening, then it is time to move on.





source:bestlovetips.com

riza saYs: THE BEGINNING OF A NEW RELATIONSHIP - COURTING

The "Courting Phase" does not refer to the courtship process which precedes a relationship. The courtship process is when you attempt to charm someone into forming a relationship with you. The courting phase, however, is the very beginning of a new relationship itself; just after a successful courtship.

In the courting phase, both parties maintain that fascinating charm which they used to attract their partner in the first place. The courting phase is where most broken promises & exaggerate words are said as you are still trying to impress each other. Things like 'I've never felt this way about anyone else before' or 'I think we have something special between us' are said. Although these statements are made with good intentions, they are often inaccurate and are based mainly on feeling as oppose to logic.

source: google.com

A couple in the courting phase also tend to be very "playful" with one another and prefer to spend every free moment together.
Although not every relationship passes through this courting phase, it happens often enough. Just make sure you are beyond this point before you start taking any serious steps in the relationship.

source:bestlovetips.com

riza saYs: HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN FALL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YOU

"I still don't get it!..."

"I have a nice car. I'm accomplished. My A List CV make the next guy look funky. I even wear the latest Armani! Why doesn't she flip for me? Why am I always alone?"

STOP!

How many times did you pound the dashboard of your Corvette bewailing this persistent question?

The avenue to Romance is littered with roadkill hearts and unrequited love. If you think you're unique in your loneliness, think again. There is enough dashboard pounding out there to start a global orchestra of dire distress.

But don't despair. Before you spin out of control, deploy the airbags fast. These strategic maneuvers should cruise you back on track:

1) Dress to Kill - all the time: No I don't intend that You wear that $5000 suit to the grocers or the Rolex to walk the dog. What I want you to do is is to dress decently each time you hit the streets. Dab on some cologne. Be neatly shaven. Men, women are everywhere. If you dress with flash only at the bar or the party, you're missing out on 95% of eligible women. Some of the best relationships were forged during chance encounters at the bus stop.

2) Bedroom Eyes - When exploring new relationships with that sexy stranger, intensify the eye contact. Lock deep into her pupils. Let the rest of the world disappear even as a horde of supermodels troop by. You will naturally thrill her with the attention as she experiences the tendrils of growing attraction. Ethnologists have a term for it, the copulatory gaze. Get your eyes even sexier by enlarging your pupils. Dr. Hess concluded that dilated pupils are far far more attractive to women after he presented hundreds of assorted pictures of men to test subjects. How does one get the pupils popping? Simply gaze at the most alluring parts of her face and fill your mind with loving caring thoughts. Your pupils naturally grow, endowing you with irresistible eyes.

source: google.com

3) Visual Caress - Get your eyes do some facial traveling as you chat. Linger a bit on the nose, traipse across the eyes and rest at the lips. Drink in her facial features as though you were admiring the Mona Lisa. She will delight in the attention!

4) Easter Eggs - Stumped at having nothing to say? Listen carefully for easter eggs as you talk. These are unusual words of phrases that she utters. Ask her to expound on it. Say "What's the story behind that?" or "How do you feel about that?". Women love to be probed for their opinions and their feelings. Gently bring out her emotions with sensitive open-ended questions.

5) Keep it Adrenaline Charged - Men talk facts: stock figures, bill payments, and boring engine specs. Women are different. They delight in FEELINGS TALK: how the new dress takes them to 7th heaven, how that special meal got them all giddy with ecstasy, how their shopping expedition drains their deepest problems away. Leverage this by steering away from facts talk. Pick out emotionally charged subjects and ask her how she especially relates to them. You'll be her new confidant!

I know what you're thinking. It's all common sense! That's true, but ask yourself this: how many of you actually practice this? Be honest.

Get out there and be the man women loves. Use your common sense!

source:bestlovetips.com

riza saYs: MARRIAGE CAN CURE DEPRESSION

With apologies to about thousands of stand up comedians, marriage may be the cure for depression, rather than the cause of it.

In fact, researchers say, people who experience depression before they get married are the most likely to get emotional health benefits from marriage.
Using a depression scale whose scores ranged from zero to 84, the researchers found that the scores of depressed people went down by almost 8 points after marriage, while those who weren't depressed had just under a 2-point drop after marriage.
Even the study authors were surprised by their findings. "We thought people who were depressed would be less likely to benefit from marriage than others," said study co-author Kristi Williams, an assistant professor of sociology at Ohio State University in Columbus. "We thought depression would put a strain on the marriage."
Williams and her co-author, Adrianne Frech, a doctoral student at Ohio State, presented the results of their study August. 13 at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association, in Montreal.
This research comes on the heels of another study that found that people who never marry had a greater chance of dying early than people who were married. In fact, people who'd never married had an even higher risk of early death than people who were divorced, separated or widowed, suggesting that marriage confers some sort of health benefit, even if it doesn't work out.
Using data from the National Survey of Families and Households, the Ohio State researchers gathered information on more than 3,000 people who were single at the start of the study in 1987-88. The survey participants were interviewed again sometime between 1992 and 1994.
To assess whether or not people were depressed, they were asked 12 questions, such as how many days in the past week they "felt like they could not shake off the blues, "felt lonely," or "slept restlessly."
About 29 percent were depressed at the start of the study, according to Williams.
During the second part of the study, they gathered information on who had gotten married and reassessed depression.
Williams said at that time, 30 percent of those who remained unmarried were depressed, while only 26 percent of those who got married were depressed.
The researchers found that those who were depressed seemed to gain the most mental health benefits from getting married, with depressed people enjoying nearly a six-point higher reduction in their depression scores after marriage than non-depressed people.

source:google.com

"We actually found the opposite of what we expected. We thought depressed people would be less likely to benefit from marriage because the depression of one spouse can put a strain on the marriage and undermine marital quality," Frech said in a prepared statement.
As to why depressed people may enjoy more benefits from matrimony, Williams theorized, "We think that depressed people may have more to gain from the emotional support and close intimate ties that come with marriage."
That doesn't mean people who aren't depressed won't have happy marriages, Williams quickly added: "If you start out happy, you don't have as far to go."
The findings don't mean that depressed people should substitute marriage for depression treatment either, she said.
"This was just an average association," said Williams. "We're not saying that depressed individuals should run out and get married."
"Clearly, one should not look upon these results as recommending that depressed people should get married," said Dr. Charles Goodstein, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine in New York City. "The likelihood is strong that such a marriage might fall apart."
But, he added, these study results suggest that depressed people stand to gain more from marriage. "At the very least, the depressed person gets the sense that there's someone who cares about them."
However, Goodstein also pointed out that this particular survey may not accurately assess depression.
"Depression is a much more complicated matter than can be diagnosed on a survey. There is such a wide range of what we call depression, and many people can pass through society without being seen as depressed," he said.
Williams agreed that the survey used in this study can't be used to diagnose individual depression, but said it was designed to give an estimate of depression in a community population.

source: bestlovetips.com

riza saYs: HOW TO KNOW THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL SOON DUMP YOU

Given the natural variation of human beings when it comes to their actions, beliefs and tastes, it is tricky to pin down specific reasoning behind specific behavior.

While women cling to the belief that men's actions are downright indecipherable, I don't believe we women are much easier to navigate. That being said, any man deserves a cheat sheet when it comes to finding out if his girlfriend wants out of their relationship.

Knowing our capacity for mood swings and PMS induced outbursts, it may be hard to tell whether we've had a bad day, or we just really want to get out. If anything, you'll avoid a situation that too closely resembles Matt Damon dumping Minnie Driver on national television.

She's Distant – all the time

We all experience moments of distraction, but when your partner is in a constant state of unavailability, it might be a clue to her desire for a break. Many women feel guilty about wanting to break off a relationship and may choose to ignore those inclinations by ignoring you.

It's often easier to be confrontational when fighting about the relationship, if the underlying belief is that you're fighting for the greater good of the relationship itself. If she's given up all hope of saving the union, making eye contact with you and giving you her full attention will only act as reminders of the now-futile relationship.

Essentially, the longer she avoids you, the longer she gets to avoid having that final "talk." Everyone hates the talk.
She's Uninterested in Sex

Unless she really, really enjoys sex, it's very likely that the action between the sheets will wane. Many women have issues separating the emotional aspects of sex from the physical aspects of sex, and therefore may be not be inclined to get physical with someone they are starting to abhor.

If she never really enjoyed sex and only engaged in it to please you – yes, this can be the case sometimes – she certainly won't be willing to do so now that her interests have flown elsewhere. If the idea of breaking your heart is painful to her, she won't want to engage in an act defined by intimate coupling.
She Criticizes you
Whether she criticizes you in the name of saving the relationship, or just to annoy you, either action can be dubbed typical of a woman who wants out. Very much like men, there are some women who will willingly adopt undesirable traits with the hope that their partner will take it upon themselves to call it quits. This saves the woman (or man) from having to cope with the confrontation of breaking up and the guilt associated with being the perpetrator.

No one enjoys being criticized and she knows that sooner or later, you'll get fed up and crack.
She Starts Dating Someone Else

While this might appear ridiculously obvious, it is undertaken for the sake of those boyfriends who just can't seem to comprehend that the relationship is over and done with. Women who immediately take up with another man after the breakup (or even during its final moments) are without a doubt screaming at you, "it's over!" They're hoping against hope that the physical presence of another man will cause send the message that anything between the two of you is done with.

This category also applies to women who are in fact, cheating. Emotionally unfulfilled or tired of your own cheating, women are almost as likely as men to seek their fulfillment elsewhere. While men might attribute their wandering eyes to spontaneous bursts of testosterone, women are more inclined to gain something from their forbidden relationship, whether it's revenge or genuine attraction to another man.
She says She Doesn't Want to See you Anymore

Again a possible no-brainer, there are an assortment of women who will bite the bullet and come right out and say they want to end it. Complications arise when you, the man, start to believe you can save the relationship or change drastically in order to make it function smoothly. But if your girlfriend had the courage to sit down with you – and didn't break up with you over the phone, by e-mail or by text message – chances are she's pretty serious about sticking to it. It might be a good idea to respect her decision.

Of course, all bets are off when she waltzes on up to you at the bar the week after, drunk as a skunk, and whispers dirty things in your ear. Ex-girlfriend etiquette is a whole other ball game.

source: bestlovetips.com

riza saYs: REASONS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE AND LONELY.. :)

Tired of first dates that don't result in relationships? Sick of chasing after guys who clearly aren't ready to commit? If you've made an all-out effort to find your match with little success, maybe it's time to rethink your approach toward searching for true love. Here you'll find five common mistakes women make in the dating game. If one or two sound familiar, don't beat yourself up. Just recognize that you deserve better and commit to making a change for good.

1. If you think love will never find you, it won't. I receive many posts on the Dating from women whose romantic disappointments have left them convinced there is something inherently unlovable about them. They say things like: "Who would want me anyway? I'm sure I'm going to wind up alone."

Obviously these women are as worthy of love as you and I. (Yes, we're worthy!) But they've come down with something so awful it can keep them solo for years to come: self-fulfilling prophecy, or SFP. SFP isn't contagious but it will make potential dates run the opposite way. It's an insidious disease. Physically, it leaves the sufferer untouched. But the more one walks around saying, "I will never find love," the higher the odds that expectation will come true. Contrarily, the sunnier one's thoughts — "I'm such a cool, happy person that I'm bound to find love" — the sunnier the forecast for her romantic future.

If you're among those throwing one too many pity parties for herself, get busy: Start a journal. Each day write down something lovable about yourself. It will get easier with time. You can even consider calling or e-mailing a few close friends or relatives, so they can share reasons they think a man would be lucky to have you. Level with them about why you're making this request, and they'll probably be happy to help. Whenever a negative thought threatens to invade your mind, replace it with a positive one.

Uncover the other love mistakes that might be keeping you single right here:
2. Kick the bad-boy habit. News flash: Good guys have not gone the way of the 8-track. They exist in bulk. The trick is learning to both recognize and want a man of worth. "For years I was attracted to guys whose mission was to hurt me," says reformed bad-boy lover Adel Harris, a 32-year-old Chicago Web designer. "It would be obvious from the get-go. They'd never call when they said they would, were constantly caught in stupid lies, said they loved me, then ran around with other women. One even tried to seduce my best friend." During these years, Adel kept railing that her dates were the best of a bad lot: No man could be kind or faithful. Then she attended a cousin's wedding. "Naomi's bridegroom Rick was the sweetest man in the world. He obviously adored my cousin and lived to please her," says Adel. "Seeing the sweet, loving light in his eyes, I vowed that one day I'd meet a man who would look at me like I was a treasure."

source: google.com

Adel took a dating hiatus and did some much-needed thinking about the root of her obsession with bad boys. "My dad was a life-of-the-party type, but as a husband and father he was cold and uncaring," she admits. "He left for good when I was 10. After that, the few times I'd see him I'd practically do cartwheels to win his attention. When I was old enough to have a boyfriend, I began metaphorically dating my dad. Once I realized what I'd been doing, I started seeing the appeal of guys who weren't as flashy or unreliable, guys who were capable of caring."

Today Adel is engaged — to a Rick type. "I can't believe I wasted all that time on men who treated me like dirt," she says. "But it was worth it, I guess because it eventually taught me to truly appreciate a good man."
3. Repeat after me: Love is not a synonym for leash. When Gina Thomas, a 29-year-old Manhattan magazine art director, got engaged, it seemed like a dream come true. In her fantasies she and her fiancé Bill would do everything together. Bill had a different definition. "Once we moved in together I assumed Bill would cut out the biweekly poker games with the guys and the occasional nights out after work," says Gina. "Our jobs left us little free time as it was. We shouldn't have wasted it on other people."

Wanting your partner to be with you 24/7 is not realistic or fair, yet like Gina many women feel abandoned or unloved if their other half has needs (say, for male camaraderie or occasional solitude) that can't be fulfilled by the relationship.
Gina's insecurity and neediness led her to make Bill feel like he was under house arrest. And no matter how plush the jail, eventually a prisoner wants to be set free. The two split.

The happiest couples allow each other breathing room to grow. The more dynamic their lives apart (in terms of jobs, hobbies, friends), the more they'll have to share with each other when they get together.
4. Don't commit emotional infidelity. It is vital that your partner be someone you treat with courtesy and kindness. If you tell all of your favorite jokes and "bad day" stories to a friend or male coworker, what will you have left when you get home to your honey? It may sound crazy, but there is a premium on a person's time and energy — there is only so much of it to go around — and if you spend yours with someone else, you're potentially hurting your relationship. Even worse is betraying your partner's confidences with a male friend or coworker. Just ask Doreen Badenstadt, a 34-year-old chef from Santa Fe, New Mexico. "After six years of marriage my husband Ed and I started growing apart. Nothing drastic, but he was no longer the first person I'd tell when something good or bad happened," she says. "That honor belonged to my neighbor Don."

Doreen never slept with Don, but she did begin sharing intimacies, such as the fact that her husband wore a toupee, a fact Don joked about at a neighborhood barbecue. Ed was shocked and felt betrayed at hearing his business discussed over hot dogs and beer. He accused his wife of disloyalty, precipitating the biggest fight the pair had ever had. The couple patched things up, but Doreen was reminded the hard way that her marriage needed to be the number one relationship in her life.
5. You're wrong if you need to be right. When Anne Ryan, a 29-year-old from Chicago, met her boyfriend Sam, she was delighted that the two had so much in common. Both were lawyers and loved to tango, downhill ski and play chess. Both were also stubbornly full of pride. "Sam was perfect except for one horrible flaw," says Anne. "He always needed to be right — whether it was about which restaurant served better burgers or which of us had apologized first after our last fight. What I didn't realize until it was too late was that I was just as bad. I couldn't admit that I'd forgotten to give him an important phone message or that his desire to move to L.A. was something I should seriously consider. I wanted to stay in Chicago and that was all that mattered. It was my way or the highway."

source:bestlovetips.com

riza says: BE COMPATIBLE BEFORE FALLING IN LOVE

Long-term relationships fail for many reasons, but one of the most common is incompatibility in important areas of your life. It’s all too easy to overlook major differences in the first bloom of love, but will the traits and beliefs that seem endearing in the first months of a new relationship still be acceptable in five, ten, or forty years? The sad thing is that a painful breakup could have been avoided, simply by having an honest discussion of important issues before the relationship got too deep. If you take a hard look at the ways you differ from your new flame, you can spare yourself a broken heart and a lot of time down the road. Here are five questions that you should ask yourself before your relationship gets too serious.

1. Are Our Politics Compatible? Politics is an issue which is often ignored in the early stages of a relationship. Who wants to think about global warming when you could be planning a romantic getaway? However, people tend to be passionate about their political beliefs, and differing views can cause relationships to explode. Falling in love with people who share your political tendencies will make a smoother road to travel in the future.
2. Are Our Religious Views Compatible?Opposing religious views might work out for two adults who respect one another, even if you do have difficulty reconciling your agnostic views with his dedication to spending Sunday mornings in church. However, they can become a strain in a long term relationship, especially if you plan to have children.

source: google.com

3. Are Our Patterns of Communication Compatible?Some couples frequently flare up at each other, shouting and yelling over every little problem – only to be doting on each other five minutes later. Others would be badly hurt, preferring to discuss disagreements calmly and peaceably. Difficulties often arise when communication patterns within the relationship vary widely.
4. Do We Have Similar Visions of the Future?When you first fall in love, all you can think about is the next time that you can see your new flame again. However, this is the best time to consider the future as well. If you’ve always dreamed of children and she doesn’t want them, or you envision spending your life in the country while he wants the glamour of city life, it will be difficult to combine your differing views into a comfortable life together.
5. Do We Have Similar Ideas About Love?Everybody has different ideas about how people who are in love should act. Perhaps you show your affection through your actions instead of your words, or you want your independence while your lover wants to spend all your spare time together. The more compatible these opinions, the easier your life together will be.
With love, honest communication, and respect, any of these differences may be overcome. However, knowing the areas in which you and your new love are not a perfect fit will allow you to address these issues early on. If you are not able to come to an agreement, you will know that the relationship will not work before it is too late.

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riza says: HOW TO FIND YOUR SOUL MATE

Some believe that your destiny will bring you to your soul mate like a magnet pulls metal. Your life will create a series of experiences that will lead you almost innocently to that vital part that will make your life complete. Unfortunately, there is no formula for finding your soul mate. We can only prepare ourselves to recognize that special person when we meet him or her. The preparation is really the key to how soon you can find that person.

For this, one must prepare to give oneself away to others and develop a never ending steam of trust within yourself so that you can accept everyone you meet without judgments or fear. Some believe that if one looks deep inside the eyes of another person with complete acceptance and love, one can create new levels of intimacy and spiritual bonding. It is during this quest, where we treat every individual as a potential soul mate, that we will eventually find the one that we are looking for.
Some people confuse this discovery as an endeavor to look for the ultimate romantic partner. Finding your soul mate is a search for wholeness or completion. It may lead to a physical union but it is much beyond mere physical desire. You can feel attracted to many others, but there could only be one person who will fit in perfectly to complete the puzzle of your life.
If you can learn to love unconditionally, abandon yourself to your spiritual desires and accept wholeheartedly the people that God sends in our lives everyday, you will find your soul mate without any doubt.

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Salvador says: The best ways to find true love

Look at the one right beside you

It's very common for single people to spend their time searching and searching for the "right person." Zen suggests that we stop running around and instead see what is right in front of our eyes.

Look at a person who is close to you in your life right now. Whether this is a friend, a potential mate or more, notice the ways in which you push him away. Stop doing that. Just allow the two of you to be together in whatever way you are. Accept everything about your relationship as it is.

Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else. This doesn't mean that you have to consider marrying every person who crosses your path. It's just an exercise to see how commonly you might dismiss people who are already in your world because you're busy waiting for the "right one" to appear. But the more "right" you can be with everyone, the more you can open up to the very real possibilities of the present.
Stop playing around with love
So many singles complain that they are not loved. The reason for this can be quite simple. They are so busy playing games that potential partners never get to know who they really are.

What roles or games do you play in relationships? What roles do you expect others to assume? Chances are, you follow a pretty clear pattern, but the question is: Are you falling in love with the person, or with the role that he plays? If you're not sure about your roles, turn them around for a little while. Try playing different roles. Experiment with someone who plays roles that you are not accustomed to. Notice how that feels.

The goal is to become aware of the difference between who you are and the roles you play. Eventually you'll be able to let the roles go and simply be who you are -- which is a Zen-like state of being. Who you are is always lovable and beautiful. It's the roles that get in the way.
Let partners come and go
One major obstacle in living a life of love is the tendency to hold on. We grasp and cling to each other, preventing the freedom of love from rising on its own. Zen asks us to let go.

When someone comes into your life, let him come. Welcome the person, whoever he is. Enjoy what it is he brings, even if it's only for a short time.

When it is time for a person to go away, let him go. Do not turn the person's leaving into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. Realize that his leaving has nothing to do with you. It is simply time for him to go.

Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely in life, and don't get caught in unnecessary chains. The more you free yourself and others, the more easily you fall in love.

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Put your baggage down
Many feel that love is not possible unless all their demands are met. However, these same people are repeatedly amazed when they find that these demands don't lead to happiness. Instead, the demands are just obstacles to falling in love.

What are your "must haves" for relationships? If you're not sure, write out the list and take a good look at it. Realize that this is baggage that may be keeping all kinds of people and possibilities away. This baggage may also make you fearful, rigid and closed off to what is available for you right now. Zen asks us to break free of old demands.

Try letting one of these demands subside for just one day. Notice how you feel without it. (Remember, you can always take it back again.) Then try it another day. As you do this many times, you may find that things you thought were crucial for your life were really getting in the way. The more you do this, the more light and happy you will feel. Plus, this openness allows all kinds of new people, possibilities and situations to start coming your way. You will have made room for them by putting your baggage down.
Give gifts
Giving and receiving are at the core of every relationship. When we are in love, this is never a problem. We naturally give and are happy with whatever is offered in return. If you want to open up to falling in love, adopt this state of mind and start giving naturally.

What gifts do you give others in relationships? What do you hope to receive in return? Now take a moment to consider what else you can give someone. Then give it. Do this every day. Each day, give something else. It does not have to be fancy or expensive -- or even a material object -- just something that will add to his or her day. Then do this with all kinds of different people. Zen is about doing this kind of thing quietly without great fanfare and without expecting something in return.

Do this with yourself as well. Take a moment to find out what kind of gift you would like. Simple examples are taking a walk in the park, buying a new lipstick or spending time with someone you care for. Now give yourself a gift each day.

Although this exercise is simple, it is extremely powerful. Doing this daily can turn everything around in your relationships. When you give, remember not to look for anything in return (not even a smile or thank you). Just give to give, with no expectations, no demands. By living with this open, generous mind, all kinds of other gifts come to you naturally.
Make friends with yourself
Many people say they are lonely, even when they have a partner at their side. This is simply because they have not yet made friends with themselves. According to Zen, once you come to terms with yourself and appreciate who you are on a personal level, it is impossible to be lonely anymore.

Make friends with yourself. Spend time noticing who you are. Accept all parts of yourself. Stop judging and rejecting what is going on inside. Be still and look within.

Start with this exercise. Pay attention to your breath and just notice what is going on. Let it be. Accept it, and return to the breathing. Understand that, breath by breath, underneath the clamor, you are perfect just as you are. Can you choose to be this natural self in relationships? Can you choose to have relationships with those who want and appreciate just what you are? Making positive changes in your life -- and your relationships -- can start with something as simple as taking off your shoes.

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Salvador says: LOVE PICTURES.....

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Salvador says: Ways to increase your love

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For most couples, whether married or in a long-term relationship, it can be a difficult transition once the "honeymoon" stage is over. The initial lust and butterflies in the stomach you once felt may have given way to a more laid-back, comfortable feeling with your significant other. It is normal for long-standing relationships to cool down after a while and this is when the real relationship building begins.

A good partnership is like tending to a pet - either you feed and nurture it, or bad things will happen. The small things you do become important. Daily habits help to forge strong relationships and marriages. It can be as simple as remembering to tell your partner "I love you," everyday.

If you are really serious about making your relationship work, there are several little rituals that you can incorporate into your daily life.

Talk To Each Other
Most relationship experts would agree that talking is the most important elements of a healthy partnership. Happy couples typically say their relationship works better when they can sit down one-on-one, share their feelings and work out their frustrations. Topics of discussion can extend past your relationship. Talk about work, how your day is going, or something funny that happened to you.

Many couples may complain that it is hard to find time in their busy day to have a daily couple's pow-wow. Well, it doesn't have to be an hour-long psych session each day. You simply have to set aside a few minutes for your special someone. For example, do a "weather" check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his/her day is going. By doing this, you will be more in sync when you reconnect after work.

If you have a pet dog, how about walking it together every night? The quiet time and fresh air can be your chance to focus on each other. If you have missed each other during the day, be sure to catch up at night right before going to bed. It is in this relaxed atmosphere that you can unwind and tell your partner about your busy day.

When you live together, you may automatically think you know everything about your lover. In reality though, it is very easy for life to get in the way if you don't take the time to connect with each other.
Flirt

Flirting isn't just for teenagers and couples on their first date. Part of a healthy sexual relationship involves flirting with each other everyday. And it doesn't just have to be a form of foreplay. Even on the nights when you are just too doggone tired to be intimate in bed, flirting can be a fun way to keep the zest in your relationship.

Don't be embarrassed about flirting in public either. Show off the strength of your relationship with a little PDA (public displays of affection). Walk hand in hand and try to steal a quick hug or kiss whenever you can. Most importantly, don't forget to say "I love you," as much as possible throughout the day.
Be Silly Together

Life is serious enough. Sometimes you just need to do something really silly. And if you can't do it with your significant other, who can you be silly with? When you find the time, try reliving your childhood by visiting an amusement park. Go on all the scary rides and eat all the sweets you can until your stomach can take no more.

For a daily ritual that you and your partner can share at home, try playing a game of Twister. The contorted positions you will find yourselves in will have you laughing in no time. Or kick back and watch a funny TV show that both of you enjoy. Whatever you do, the important thing is to laugh and have fun together.
Declare Your Independence

Remember that healthy relationships are made up of two independent people who have their own personalities and interests. It's not good for the relationship to be constantly joined at the hip. So also make a daily habit of getting away from each other. Peruse your own hobbies and interests.

Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner may not be able to fill for you. For example, if one of you likes sports and the other likes the arts, use your alone time to go to the gym or enroll in a painting class. At the end of your day, you will find that you have more to talk about. It will help bring freshness to the relationship, as you both continue to grow as people.
Cultivate Common Interests
Along with developing your personal interests, apart from one another, it is also essential to find something you can do together. The emphasis is on finding an activity you can both enjoy. Although your definition of fun may be going shopping, he may not enjoy being dragged along.

If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. Try working out at the gym together. Or take some classes together until you find something you both like. Maybe you'll both fall in love with cooking and connect each night by preparing dinner together.

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Salvador says: Signs of an attractive man

Attractiveness doesn't only come as looks. Regardless of how good looking you are, if you don't know what to do, what not to do, what to say, and what not to say, your chance of landing your dream girl is slim to none.

Most often, popular guys are not the ones with celebrity looks, but the ones who have mastered themselves in the art of “true attractiveness.” For those still struggling with what makes men truly attractive to women, I offer some advice.

Be Responsible
You are going on a date with your girlfriend, you are driving, and luckily, you get stuck in traffic. Suddenly, you start venting about how everyone should just stay home and not bring their stupid cars out just to jam the street. You complain about how the road system in the city sucks and how you will not be able to make it to the movie on time. What would your girlfriend think of you?
How about using that time to have a conversation about something you haven't spoken about so far? You are the one who initiated the date, so why not try to make the most out of this not-so-pleasant situation?
Instead of venting at everybody, which does nothing more than show how immature you are, start a conversation about the movie you will be seeing that evening. Or, if you have that sense of humour, crack a few jokes, which is totally harmless. Your girlfriend will definitely notice how hard you are trying to lighten up the situation - and she'll enjoy it, too.

                                                                blogs.hellomagazine.com

Be Humble
Every person this planet values humility as one of the greatest human virtues. Women like men who are confident but at the same time, humble. As a society, we sometimes take humility to mean lack of confidence, but humility and confidence can definitely go together. When such a combination is found in a man, a woman will definitely be attracted.

Loosen Up
What's even more important than the look is the voice. A Man who has a low tone of voice and relaxed shoulders exudes confidence and appeal to women. They see him as reliable. If you look too strained, even though your portfolio might be stellar, women generally will not find you as attractive.

The Little Things Matter
Kindness is good, but if kindness is the only thing going for you, you are out of luck. Add a tough side to your kindness and you will boost your score on the popularity scale.

If your girlfriend is struggling with the menu, take the lead and say, “Why don't we try this? It's really good. You will like it.” Don't just sit there and keep asking, “So, what do you want?” There is a difference between rushing her and taking the lead. The latter is a very good thing! You are sure to earn a few extra points.

Be an Entertainer
An entertainer doesn't have to be on TV every night. If you have what it takes to make your girlfriend laugh, cry, smile, and frown, then you are her entertainer.
Love must be true and genuine, but just for now, treat your relationship like stage. Think about each scene, where each character is and what they will say. Think about how the play will begin and end. Make her the heroine and you, her prince charming.

Every girl says they want to meet prince charming, and he is character straight out of a story. You may not be prince charming but you can be the closest thing there is.

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Salvador says: HOW TO OVERCOME JEALOUSY IN A RELATIONSHIP

Jealousy is a human emotion that we all instinctively experience at some point in our lives. Jealousy can refer to a strong desire for or envy of someone else’s success, stature, or possessions.

Taken in a social context, it can refer to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality. Jealousy may cause someone to be doubtful of his or her partner and feel threatened by his or her interaction with certain people. It involves a fear of losing the other person.

There are different kinds of jealousy and educating yourself on them may help you and your partner develop a stronger relationship.
Healthy Jealousy

Jealousy doesn’t necessarily indicate negative connotations in all cases. After all, it is quite natural for men and women to be protective and possessive of the one that they love. In a relationship, when feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate one another and make an effort to ensure the other person feels valued.

Having reservations about your significant other going to a strip club, the sight of him or her drooling over an attractive person of the opposite sex, or witnessing him or her flirting with someone else are innocent examples of how jealousy can be a perfectly normal reaction.
Destructive Jealousy

Sometimes, jealous feelings can balloon out of proportion. It is a completely different story when jealousy becomes frequent, intense, and irrational. Once you reach this stage, you obsessively begin to question your lover’s loyalty to you and it sends you into a blind rage. You may even try to restrict your partner’s interactions with other people and constantly monitor where he or she goes and what he or she does.

If you can’t control your jealousy, it is bound to be detrimental to your relationship. It eats away at the most important thing holding it together – trust. It can leave your loved one constantly feeling like they are walking on eggshells.

If you find yourself drifting into the realm of harmful and unhealthy jealousy, there are things you can do to prevent it from ruining your current and future relationships.
Identify the Root of the Problem

What is causing this unfounded jealousy? You may behave this way because you have been cheated on in the past. This may cause you to be more possessive and controlling in a new relationship for fear of repetition, even if he or she has never given you a reason to be doubtful.

If this is the case, it is important to deal with these feelings and insecurities before you enter a new relationship. Harboring unresolved feelings from past relationships is a sure sign that you aren’t ready for a new one.

Give yourself a Reality Check

Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening. How realistic is the threat? What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? Distinguish fact from fiction.

If you have no solid grounds for feeling jealous, your false accusations will cause a lot of unnecessary strain on the relationship. Don’t let your imagination draw a negative picture of your partner.
Positive Self-Talk

Sometimes, you need to give yourself a pep talk. When you start feeling those twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you and is committed to you. Realize that he or she is with you for a reason. These self-affirmations can help you boost your confidence.
Seek Reassurance

If you can’t talk yourself out of a jealous funk, perhaps communicating your feelings will help resolve your insecurities. One of the best ways to beat jealousy is to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don’t take an accusatory, nagging, or bullying tone with him or her. Instead, share your feelings of doubt and ask them to help you overcome them.

By communicating your feelings, you can work out solutions together.
Get an Objective Opinion

Ask a close friend to take note of your behaviour around your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes, you aren’t fully aware of your actions, especially when emotions like jealousy cloud your judgment. By getting a neutral party’s perspective, it can help you fully understand the extent of your actions.

A good friend will let you know if your behaviour is out of control and destructive.

                                                                           myfairladyb.wordpress.com

Set Boundaries from the Start

Try establishing some general guidelines at the beginning of the relationship. Let your partner know what is and isn’t acceptable for you. Be careful not to use this piece of advice as a means to control your boyfriend or girlfriend, just let him or her know what makes you tick.

For example, how far is too far when it comes to flirting? Telling your partner what makes you uncomfortable can also help you trust him or her more since you are divulging sensitive feelings. 


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Salvador says: HOW TO MAKE A MAN FALL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YO

 

                                                            mashedmusings.wordpress.com

There is a lot of talk among women about finding Mr. Right, and there seems to be a common consensus that finding him is a near impossible task. A Woman who is perceived to have found him is envied and bombarded with questions as to how she landed him. The problem with this Mr. Right theory is that it implies that women are automatically Ms. Rights. Unfortunately, this is not true. We are not all wonderful, innocent, drama-free damsels waiting patiently for our Mr. Right. It’s hard to admit, but women are capable of doing just as much lying, cheating, and gaming as men.

If you expect to find a man that is free from game- playing, lying, cheating, and deceiving, be committed to being that kind of person yourself. Make a conscious effort to treat others with respect. Decide to be open and honest with others, decide to share and give of yourself, and decide to live up to the truthfulness and righteousness in which you believe. The closer you move toward becoming Ms. Right the sooner you will attract Mr. Right because people of like mines, words, and deeds are drawn to one another.

I remember when I realized that the game playing in my life had to stop. I moved to a new city with the belief that if I got away from the bad influences in my life (i.e. “bad men”) everything would be great. However, within one month of living in my new city I had attracted the same old drama. I quickly realized that although my environment had changed I had stayed the same, and had created all the same turmoil within a very short period of time.

I began the slow and steady progression toward being a better person. Two years later I married a great man, and we have been in a twelve- year marriage that is sincere, respectful, and free of game playing. Not to imply that we have not hurt each other because we have. It’s hard to avoid hurting each other in any relationship. However, we come together in respect and honesty to work out our problems, and try really hard to be the best we can be for each other. We own our emotions, and share how we feel with the knowledge that it may get ugly at times, but we can get through it.

Stirring it up: Observe how you interact with the men in your life. Think about what you might be with holding, hiding, sneaking, lying about, cheating, and the games you may be playing. In your heart, you will recognize right from wrong because God made it so. The next time you feel like what you are about to do is wrong do not give in. Do what is right! Then ask yourself what motivated you to want to do wrong. Why did you feel justified to do the wrong thing? It is not because you are a bad person it probably has more to do with emotions like fear, anger, frustration, envy or disappointment. Remember it is okay to feel these emotions because God made them, but it is not okay to react destructively because of what you feel.

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